SO, you are a virgin. So, YOU are a virgin. So, you are a VIRGIN? Yeah? Well, why on EARTH doesn’t that surprise me, VIRGO? Well, first off, making love with YOU probably isn’t on any random persons “to do ” list – or a lounge chair’s either, for that matter. Why would I say this? Well, for lots of reasons. But right now, for the sake of time, let’s take a quick look at some of Virgo’s negative traits, go over them, and then see if we can’t come up some ways to overcome them and get you laid.
First off, you’re SKEPTICAL: What this means to me is that you might not believe that anyone would WANT to sleep with you in the first place. Although you would be right, remember, feelings SHOW! And what will happen is you will probably PUSH away, the one or two drunken hoboes who are thinking about giving you the “old roll in the hay”, with your “poor me, I’m so pathetic” spastic eye-rolling crap. SO, let me give you some advice, ok? You need to ACT like you’re all THAT, even though we know you’re not! Stick out that “salami laden” crotch on the dance floor – stuff that double AA bra with tissue! Shake those bony hips when you walk! You might actually FOOL someone into “doing it” with you. Hey, it could happen…
Secondly, you’re FUSSY: Say you actually get a toothless, IV drug usin’ guy or girl to drop his or her drawers for you. If I know you, you will somehow think that you are ABOVE them, thus insulting them and scaring them away. But consider this: You KNOW you’re ICKY, so quit being so PICKY. Relax and enjoy the no-tooth tongue exchange – you may just like it better than you thought you would!
Lastly, you are known to be INFLEXIBLE: Stop it! Just because someone tries to stick a dirty, gross oblong body part (like a penis) into a small, snot filled, oval body part (like a nostril), it’s NOTHING to get upset about! Just be grateful that one of your previously empty holes is finally getting plugged and shut the hell up! Just think … now you will be able to honestly tell someone you got some ACTION…They don’t need to know WHERE you got it, just that you got it…
One last thing….Good Luck with all that!!!